~ LE PARADIS DES yUnEr ~

Was tokin halfway wif my bf last nite den my ahma woke up sayin her body felt warm n had red patches everywhere. She had dis symptom 4 quite sum time le. But it din occur to me dat it might be linked to her cancer. My dad told me 1 story abt her chances of recovery. He told me an optimistic 1. Said operation will haf 80% chance of gttin well. Den last nite my ma woke up frm da din my ahma made n told me another story, a pessimistic 1. She told me her red patches might juz be linked to her cancer, juz dat we ignored it, blamin it on da weather etc. Den she said da doc told them it's hard 4 my ahma to go 4 such a big operation due to her age. Even if she can gt thru da op, wat's worse to cme r da pain after da op n da therapy she nids to go thru. N da chance of her cancer cells spreadin to other parts of da body is quite high since da doc oledi said her cancer cells haf spread out le. But if she doesn't go 4 da op, it'll be even more painful on her coz da cancer will grow bigger n bigger eventually n block da passge way of her intestine, causin everything to be stuck inside. Den da tumor will burst n it'll be v.painful. N she'll kip bleedin.

Sigh. I really dun wish to c all these sufferings on her. I broke down again last nite after hearin all these. U noe my ma can't wait 4 my ahma to die coz my ahma is always at loggerheads wif her. Both of them actually kip cursin 1 another lah. In dis case, how can i show my sadness out? I can only kip all these to myself. Cryin in my bed when everybody has gone to slp. It seems like i'm really losin my ahma soon. My ma even said she had da same twitchin in her eyes juz like when her dad died. Both my ma n i felt rather uneasy, like feelin sumthing bad is gonna happen soon. My ma said my ahma noes abt da op, but they din tell her it's cancer. N wat's surprisin is dat she wans to go 4 da op! They told them da risks, dat she might juz die if she can't take it during da op. She said it's fine wif all da risks. My ma said maybe my ahma felt sumthing weird too, dat she has a premonition of dyin. U noe when 1 is dyin, he or she'll actually sense it. But i really really hope all these will nt cme true.

I'm prayin everyday 4 her. She's a devoted buddhist n always goin on vegetarian diet every now n den. Y did dis happen to her? Sigh. I guess we really haf to treasure her each n every day n time goes by.

Btw, she's back hme oledi n will go back next thurs to gt sum of her cancer cells out to test whether they r liang xing or er xing. Really hope it's nt er xing. *Pray*